Spoils

I found myself yesterday in the awkward position of asking after the car my dear dying friend. I'd been wondering about the car, now that she's clearly not going to drive it. My daughter is going to need a car soon and so I'm just scouting. So, practially speaking, why not just discuss it out in the open. We did, and someone else actually has 'dibs,' and that's cool.





And now I feel bad about even bringing it up.

My home is full of belongings that have come to me, through my mother, from my father's side of the family. There are a few from my mother's side, too, but her family muliplied and prospered, at least biologically. My Dad's side, was a sort of geneological 'funnel' with me at the narrow end. Dad's side of the family is full of single, or at most, double child families, and our particular line is full of only children, so we came to have the vast portion of the family loot.

Now, as my mother's world narrows, diminishing to a single room, I am sorting through more of her remaining belongings, deciding what to keep and what to store or sell. I haven't sold much. It doesn't really seem as though it's mine to sell.


When Mom comes over, she can't remember what she gave me and what I have just kept. I have consulted with her on a lot of it, but she can't remember, and so consulting my mother has become sort of a courtesy to myself.



I was thinking about my mother's panic that I had extorted her money and that she had lost all control. In a sense this is true, in that the result is the same. I now control my mother's life and her money. I choose what things she keeps and what she gives up.








I make her decisions now.

To the survivors go the spoils, what we choose to call the earthly things, the belongings we chose to cart along to the bitter end. Mom's money is spoken for. She'll use it all. I'll interit antiques and art, scads more good books to store in the basement. Eventually Robyn will prevail and I'll have to get rid of some of it.

There are a number of facile conclusions here. It's just stuff. You can't take it with you. To every thing. Ashes to ashes.

It seems there are advantages and disadvantages to watching the dispersal begin while you're still present to attend to it. In Diana's case, it seems to be a process of being open and practical. In my Mom's case, it may be a last way to measure the gradual loss of self.

I am invited by a small sad part of myself to feel guilty. After some consideration, at present, I respectfully decline. Mostly.