Space

It's puzzling.  We have all, I think been through the range of emotions as our friend Diana passed away from her relentless cancer.   When I got home and logged on I learned that she had passed away yesterday morning.

This is not surprising, since the night before I listened to the long spaces between her labored breaths.  The phrase "labored breaths" has been overused, but it certainly applied.  She was working very hard to live.

Now I'm trying to decide how I feel.  How do we interpret this new world without our old friend there to comment, smirk, prod, support?  I think we must each carry a little more of the weight now that Diana is not shouldering her portion here with us.   There will be a memorial and we'll come together again and celebrate her memory.  Our memories of her will come with us on our journeys.

For my part, I have been struggling with hiding from death for a long time.  I hid from my father's death by being far away.  My Mother's deterioration just added insult.  I avoided the funerals and ceremonies of others who died because I couldn't resolve my grief and anger.  Over time, as Dad died and folks supported me, I came to understand this part of life a little better.  I'm proud to say that I didn't shrink from Diana's death the way I once might have done.  She provided me an opportunity for me to heal my own wounds by being present for her physical ones.  It was easy.  I live here and her life was already a regular part of mine.  Nonetheless, I am forever grateful for my opportunity.

Now the world is strange, new and unfamiliar.  It's rhythm is disturbed for a moment and the Universe takes a deep breath, then exhales.  For a moment all is silent.  Stillness, like a measure and a half pause in a great symphony.

Then a bird chirps on a slender branch.  A child rolls over in a morning bed.  Somewhere someone sips a cup of coffee.  Life continues.