Holding still

This is a picture I would like to blow up to "wall size." I used it the other day when I posted about Su, but I thought it merited enlarging.

One of my very classy therapists set up an office at work with everything kids and adults needed in order to make prayer flags, a Buddhist and Native American tradition. Our receptionist wrote a thoughtful poem. Last night a little girl, whom Su always had to watch to keep her from getting into things, came in and we talked a little about Su's passing. Then I set her up to make a flag, and once again, Su was keeping her busy.

Today was "costume day" at Prairie High School and Caitlin went as a "drag queen." She wore masses of eye shadow, false lashes, big hair and a corset, with special black makeup to simulate 5 o'clock shadow. She makes her father proud. I'm sure her uncles would be, as well.

I am sitting in my living room, waiting for the man from Novak's to finish repairing our air conditioning. It is a beautiful autumn day, and of course, now that he's here, we don't need air conditioning. We needed it last week. I like the forced leisure of waiting on the Novak's man. I can't go to the office yet. Bummer. Holding still is good. I don't do enough of it. There's always some reason to rush off and accomplish something. Sometimes it is holding still that we need to accomplish. We take a guilty moment to breathe deeply, stealing a little time from our routine. Soon I'll drag myself out of this pleasant chair and go hose myself off, donning my therapist/manager outfit, and head off to dance with dysfuncion.

For now, I relish my immobility, toes deep in my mother's Persian carpet, slightly chilly from the open screen door. I wish you all such a moment.