Order

I took this picture at Hampton Court Palace when we were in the UK, almost by accident. These are formal gardens, obviously, beautiful and ordered. They also have a maze, where Robyn and Walker spent a good deal of time.

Today I spoke with our neurologist, an ARPN, who said "moving a demented person is about the worst thing you can do." She pointed out that Mom has little, if any ability to learn. She is relying on old memory.

Mom is in the moment, and she's happy for the most part. She says "I don't feel any different." It's a blessing that she doesn't. A lot of the time she sits and reads New Yorker Magazine, probably over and over again. She takes naps with her cats and goes on excursions with the folks.

Julie commented that what looks like manipulation is actually Mom relying on old memory. When we got to my house she asked if I had a beer, or wine. I reminded her that she decided to stop drinking. She had to trust me on that one.

I can still tell my Mom a joke, as long as it's not a shaggy dog story. I said something to Caitlin and she said something about my "slimy fucking shit." There was this awkward pause and then I said "Caitlin, how many times have I told you not to say "slime"in front of Grandma?" Since we are a mutual admiration society, we were overcome with mirth.

Soon the new Assisted Living wing will be complete. There will be a major sales push to fill those rooms. It would be good if the people in the dining room did not act confused or frail. Better for our prospective tenants to think of lively, sharp old folks. It'd be a shame if my Mom came down at 2:30 and complained that nobody served lunch, right in the middle of the introductory orientation. We're rounding up the dotty and getting them over to Meadow View, where folks are equipped to assist those who are memory impaired.

We are not defenseless. We have money. We know how the game is played. The facility has twice exchanged information with my aunt without an Authorization to Release Information. I have two complaints against their license if I so choose. More importantly, we have a plan of care, ordered by the attending physician (APRN), that says "leave the old lady alone."

Assist us in living. Vacuum behind the chair. Help clean out the cat box instead of telling me it smells. Help Mom finish the dishes. Assist her when she is confused. Help her feel like a regular gal.

From moment to moment my mother is as marvelous sometimes as she ever was. We forget entropy and in real time we laugh and tease and talk. We are living in the afternoon.

I don't think it's a lot to ask for assistance with this.